I was disgusted, although not surprised, when I read this piece on the BBC.

The article describes a failed date. The man, a hard-up student, took a woman on a date. Being short of money, he ordered something inexpensive (a beer and pasta carbonara). The woman, on the other hand, ordered a lobster (£28) and an expensive bottle of wine (£70). He, understandably, to my thinking, made her pay for her extravagant meal; he said that he would have happily paid for her meal if she had ordered something more reasonable. She was livid, and in an exchange of messages afterwards (when he was trying to apologise, and make it up to her, by asking her for another, cheaper meal/date) wrote "Gentlemen ALWAYS pay for girl’s food".

Excuse me madam, but this is the age of sexual equality (things are not yet equal for the sexes, but we are {most of us, at least} trying to get there). I assume that she probably wants to be treated equally, especially in the workplace, except for paying for meals and vacations, and having the door held open for her by gentlemen. Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.

She is behaving as a parasite, pure and simple.

I have similar, but not identical, experiences. A few years ago an ex-girlfriend of one of my friends invited me and my girlfriend to meet her potential new boyfriend, a student, to check him out and give her our opinion. The man was not flush with money, but they did at least discuss the issue of her expectations that he pay for everything versus the reality of his financial situation. He argued strongly that she should pay for the date on that occasion, since she had a real job (actually, two jobs) and he didn't; we agreed with him, and she was not pleased by that.

A few months later she got in touch again, and invited us to meet another potential new boyfriend, this time over dinner. I should point out to those of you who do not live in Germany, that the use of the word invite (einladen) implies that the inviter will pay, but we knew her well enough not to expect that. This candidate was a struggling actor, so also not flush. He made it clear that he was not interested in any relationship that required him to pay for everything. When the meal was over, I paid for my meal, and my girlfriend's, plus enough tip for all 4 of us, and then went to the toilet. The candidate-boyfriend had made it clear that he would not pay (after all, she had invited him), so she had to pay, which she struggled to do (several credit cards were rejected, and one was cut up by the waiter). The thing that really bothered me was that, not only did she expect that guy to pay, but her fall-back was that I would pay, even though she invited us.

I hope that any female readers are getting the message loud and clear: you can't expect to be treated equally when it suits you, and then demand to be treated like helpless damsels when that suits you. Choose one option, and only one, stick with it, and declare it to people you meet, so that they know whether they even want to be friends with you.

I am a fairly generous person. I give good tips in restaurants and taxis (I have a rule that, if I give a small, or no, tip, I must explain why), I lend money to friends (in some cases knowing full well that I will never see that money paid back). I repair things for friends, for free. I hold doors open for women (and men) and sometimes pay for their meals and drinks. I do all this and more because I choose to; no-one is going to tell me that it is required of me. New friends are welcome in my life; parasites are not!